The Meaning of a Name, Security Guards who still dig me, and a homeless chick

So why do I have such a non-cute picture of some random security guard? Because they still dig me. How do I know? Because the SG at the G'boro Public Library discussed crime rates, snuff films, and gender and violence as I was reading and doing my journal for my gender, crime and deviance class. And how do I know? B/c I'm so desirable hello. No, really, he was giving me the "come hither" eyes. You know those eyes. We ALL know those eyes baby. Anyway, he spoke to me for a good hour, and I just couldn't help but think that there might be some "security guard things" that might need to be done around the place. You know. Things that need like, guarding. This was all prompted due to a grody old guy watching "snuff" films on a library computer. With like, other people around. And for those of you who are so unenlightened (consider yourself lucky) to not know what these are, they are films that either depict a fake or real live sexual assault/rape taking place while the woman is being killed, usually brutally. I can not invoke the amount and level of ewiness I felt when I heard that. What a FREAK.

In addition, the night at the library was filled with other mileus. A (debatably) homeless woman told me I was quote "beautiful with pretty eyes" and I could be "Miss America" and that her "Dad had taught her to never lie." So there you have it folks. I'm officially the newly designated Miss America. Not really. God knows you would never get me in a bathing suit on national TV nor am I enough plastic to perhaps qualify. But it's a nice gesture and comment, even if she happened to be crazy (huh?).

In addition, I found this nifty baby name book at the library from like 1976 and I learned that the name "Sabrina" means a legendary goddess who was goddess of the River Stervna(sp?) and is famous for her beauty. Hmmmmnn......I think I missed the boat on that one, but nice gesture.

Anyway, it was a night of mucho ego boosting, and I have to say, it's nice to know I'm still attractive to the opposite sex, and not an old chair as it were. Hey, what can I say, I seem to peak the interest of their loaded gun. hahahhahaha.

Anyway, today was filled with much business as I taught, had class and worked in the WGS office. It was nice to see the friends, as I missed them mucho. Fun times to be had!

Flower Sperm and a day in captivity

Like a poor baby cub, I am locked up in captivity, aka my house. I am sick. Hmmmnn...perhaps that is not the right word. I am allergic. Allergic that is to things in the air like flower sperm for example. The damn yellow pollen substance is killing me. I mean KILLING me. I urge urge urge you to contact this link and check out the pollen forecast for your area, or YOU TOO will be held captive like poor, defenseless little 'ole me. I'm sitting here working on my paper (now finished! Whoo hoo!) listening to downloaded (legally of course) Cure on my iTunes. I'm jammin' out with a stuffy nose, a sour stomach (due to the meds I'm on for my stupid sinus trouble AND apparently a "secondary" infection, whatever that means). I'm supposed to eat with my 'biotics, but how can I eat if I am nauseated? Perhaps I am overlooking something: this could be the best diet EVER. Hmmnn.....

In other news...wait. There IS no other news because I've been sittin' here all sickey like. Partner's birthday is coming up (21! whoo hoo! I'm trying to get 'em to agree to go to Hairy Peeter and buy an alcoholic drink and let me take a picture to commemorate this event, but he won't hear of it. He's not an avid drinker, which I love, but I'm an old woman now, I have to live vicariously through my younger and hot mate. You know? I mean, I'm not Demi Moore, but Ive got some years on him, though you'd never know it really cause he's smart as a blade that one, anyhoo, I got off track and this is the longest sidenote, like ever) and I'm planning a cookout-a-que here at the 'ole Maxi Pad for friends K and JP and T. Whoo hoo! I love having friends over. It's super fun. My bro's b-day is also coming up and he IS an avid drinker, so I'm taking suggestions on fun and embarrassing b-day gifts. I've purchased Partner's presents, and I think he will like them. I bought him an impulse gift the other day at Borders: a book on Philosophy and Monty Python. Yep. Who would've thought that Monty Python would have depth? Hehe. Anyhoo. He seemed to like.

I fell asleep last night in the midst of a short sneezing break during the latest Harry Potter film, and for some reason, I thought it moved slowly and didn't really capture my attention. They could've knocked that baby down a notch of two.

Anyhoo: good experience at the doc's today, bad experience with living in general right now, and my tummy hurts. Poopie. Off to finish final assignments for my last class tomorrow night. HOoooAAHHH!! Then I'm going to jet off to grading hell. grrrrrrr. Stay tuned for my crazy antics from capture girl. The longer I'm inside all sick like, the crazier I get. Hard to believe I know.

Domino Harvey is cool and Caitlin Flanagin is an idiot

I just finished watching the movie "Domino" this evening, and I have to say, what a great film. I mean, it doesn't get much better than kick ass chicks with guns! This girl had it made; grew up in Hollywood, had rich and famous parent, and all the money and prestige she could want; oh yeah, and she was gorgeous and was, at one time, a Ford model; but she gave it all up to be a kick ass bounty hunter. She didn't like the fake plastic trees of 'ole Cali, and decided to tell the world to kiss her ass and she did dangerous stuff, and didn't apologize for it. You gotta love that kind of fire. I admire that, because it's something that I wish I had. I notice that I always girl crush on females who are strong, bad ass, beautiful, and don't apologize for who they are; these are qualities I wish I could find as easily in myself. A little Psych 101 here, but I'm sure that's why I like to watch movies with strong women. Not to mention, this movie was shot in a very entertaining way; it's not chronological, and I love films that take chances with plot. Good film. Highly recommended.

In other news, Partner showed me a clip of "The Colbert Report" (which, if you've never seen, I highly recommend as it is a satire and spoof of everyone's favorite idiot Bill O'Reilly) and he had a guest named Caitlin Flanagan who has written a book titled "To hell with that: loving and loathing the inner housewife." Sounds like a book that by be written by an intelligent woman? HA! Think again!

This tramp thinks we oughta travel back in time to the '50s and '60s when women had to "depend" on their husbands in every way, shape, and form, including financially. She also believes that husbands shouldn't have to "wine and dine" their spouses in order to get some nookie. What a freaking psycho; she believes a woman's place is in the home, nowhere else, and that she should shut up, accept her lot in life, and quit complaining about not being appreciated in the home, because we CRAZY Feminists have let women down and now they're not appreciated outside the home; wait a minute Caitlin, when are they appreciated OUTSIDE the home? Quit blaming Feminists and begin looking at the big picture. When you (and by you I mean that idiot Caitlin Flanagin who writes for The New Yorker; shame on you NY!) quit writing books and having your MAID clean up after your children's dirty sheets, perhaps then you can talk to us every day folk about what you think our "place" is. From where I sit, your chair is riddled with diamonds, and you've got your proverbial oven mit up your ass because damn lady, who are you to lecture the women of America who work their ass off when you're sitting on a cushioned throne, not lifting a finger?

Feminism hasn't disillusioned women; sure, it's got its problems (some of which came from propaganda spouting conservative morons like yourself) but you are the REAL problem for American women.

I'm pretty sure that we'd prefer the right to vote, own property, have our own money and checking accounts, and oh yeah, be able to live like human beings. Because what you're suggesting is to be less than human, which, apparently, is how you see other women, you know, those that DON"T have a maid to clean up our dirty laundry.

the 80s, paper writing, and the ties that bind

So, ladies and gents, I haven't posted because, well, I've been busy writing 16 page papers (in 4 hours or less! I'm a machine! ARRRRGGGHHH), response papers, and other stuff. Last Thursday I had a special "student employee" lunch bash at UNCG because, well, I'm special, and was nominated for grad. student employee of the year. Of course I didn't win b/c a WGS grad won last year, and well, it just wouldn't be fair if our dept. won again! But the darndest thing is, I didn't even win a door prize, and they had darn good ones too. Poopie. Friday night I went with a friend to a less than stellar concert though I'm sure he liked what we did here; I talked him in to leaving to get a beer and we sat and talked instead. If you ask me, that was way more fun than some weak band (who knows, they might've been good; I like melody though, not just screaming into a microphone). But who am I? I have no "indie cred" as it were. But it was super fun.
Saturday I researched and did "prep" work for my big 'ole fish 16 pager, and hung out; Sunday, or Jesus Resurrection Day, I rode my bike, wrote my paper, and chilled. It was quite creepy actually since the entire neighborhood seemed to have gone from the rapture or they were all just praying to Jesus, thanking him for dying and then not. Whatever. If you have the time, you should look up the REAL reason for Easter: aka pagan holiday of the spring equinox and uber fertility via the bunny (you know the expression, "doing it like bunnies?" Apparently those hoppy, floppy bunnies are real horny fur balls ). Well, I suppose the spring DOES bring out the fertility aka the sex b/c there are like 5 pregnant women in the Foust building alone. Creepy.

In addition, I found this cool site about the '80s cover band The Breakfast Club that I really wanna see. They'll be playing at Greene Street on May 13. I really really want to go. They also published a wicked cool link with kick ass 80s games like Tetris, PacMan, Centipede, etc. Check it out, it's super cool. I had fun playing Tetris. I love the '80s!

Okay, so let's take a minute to go over some of SAB's super cool fav '80s bands, some cheesey and some really cool. Huey Lewis and the News, Pat Benatar, Michael Jackson, the band that sang "I'll tumble for ya" and others that I've been listening to much more recently like the Smiths, Echo and the Bunnymen, Morrisey (from the smiths), REM, Depeche Mode, and the really cool New Wave band channel on Sirius satellite radio. Don't you love my pic? It's wicked great. I've always thought that I was born a decade too late; instead of 1980 I should've been born in 1970 so I could be a teenager in the '80s. I could've worn all the great clothes and been knee deep in the new wave hits of the '80s. I'm feeling very nostalgic lately, and I'm sure it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that my 26th birthday (egads!) is quickly approaching.

I feel like just yesterday I was 18, 16, 21, 22, etc. I suppose it will always be this way.
Anyhoo, 'nuff for now.

What do you feel like?

April 13 is a special day

Three years ago today my dad died. Four years before that, he had his first series of heart attacks. But before ANY of that, he was my best friend. But today is an eerie day for me, one that I dread every year.

It's been exactly three years, feels like a thousand but no more than a day, a minute, one flick of the pause button.

Check out this link: http://etd.lib.fsu.edu/theses/available/etd-07162004-165510/unrestricted/Thesis3.pdf for a glimpse at my very long thesis, all about him.

I just want to say I miss him, he was my best friend, and I'm incomplete without him, but not as much as I used to be, and I don't know if I'm supposed to feel guilty about that. My life is good now, in part because he died and I was free to leave. What does that mean? How do we keep going and acknowledge this line that separates us from the past, those that are no longer here? It's like we're on opposite sides of the world, or friends that are no longer friends.

The other day I was at a movie, eating popcorn, and I thought that he would never be able to do that again. How odd.

Above is the picture of "my beach" on Anna Maria Island where I go every summer, where my aunt lives (literally on the beach, just a little to the right) and where my dad grew up (Bradenton).

This place represents us. Enjoy.

My Potential Haircut

I want my hair to look like this. What do you think?

Game Night, Sleepy Time and a Day at the Thee-a-tur

Friday night some friends and Partner and I went to a game night held at one of said friends pad. We played Apples to Apples, 90s trivial pursuit, and cranium. I have to say that I am very competitive, more so than I like to admit and more than I am aware of at times. Apparently I was pretty mean to one of said friends, and I'm reeling from some guilt. I never know how I come off to people, and have always been told that I am loud and obnoxious, even more so when I've been drinking, and well, combine that with my extreme type A personality to always be the best, well, then you have a bad reaction, namely, me becoming violent and belligerant. Not very attractive, huh? I just always need to be the best, and get quite jealous when I'm not. This is a problem, no? But on some level, I really like being competitive, and love the feeling when I win and when I'm competing. This isn't really in sports so much as it is in work, class, life, etc., But all in all, I had a smashing good time at game night, and really want to do it more often.

Saturday was spent sleeping in A LOT and I really couldn't get into the groove of things; I went grocery shopping, cleaned the house a bit, etc., but was really supposed to work out and work on my 15 page seminar paper which i have not started but have the research for. I was just a sleepy beepey. In addition, yesterday was not the favorite b/c around 5 or so I began sneezing uncontrollably and had a really bad snot, sneezing, nose blowing incident for the next 4 hours or so. My allergies are horrible, and I must've had at LEAST 4 Clairitin. Freaking pollen.

Last night Partner and I went with a friend to see V for Vendetta AGAIN b/c it's so good and we like to see stuff blowing up (well, mostly me) and ate at a favorite sandwich place. All in all it was super fun.

Today I went to the see O Pioneers but left early b/c I was tired, cranky, hungry, and my nose was bothering me, so I just snuck out after an hour. I was supposed to meet a friend there, but she got there late with another friend, and well, we didn't sit next to each other and I didn't particularly feel like being a third wheel. So I bailed. Was that bad of me? I was super super tired. This week is spring break for the college I work for, so I will have some time hopefully to get some work done for school. I have A LOT to do. It's a total bummer.

So how has your weekend progressed?
Partner and I have been concerned about the next Wonder Woman in the new movie directed by the greatest living person of all time, Joss Whedon. We've been discussing who we think should be the kick ass chick, but we're not sure. I'm all about Charisma Carpentar or Morena from Serenity, you know, to keep it all in the family, but I don't know; maybe Joss will go a different route. I trust him completely, I just hope he doesn't choose a no-talent hack like Jessica Biel or something. Ah well, enjoy the pic here; Linda Carter was vavavavoom. I wish my body looked like hers. Sigh.

Blah

I'm doggy sitting for a friend of mine, and it's nice to have dogs in the house; thought I'm not sure how the cats like it.

I'm tired, in a blah mood, and have to teach in the morning. So, I'll say this: peace out peeps.

Oh yeah, and I had to defend my beliefs about porn in class tonight AGAIN. Lone ranger.

Sex, Love and Cornuts

This is a picture I found while browsing the web for art pics, and isn't it purty? I hope I don't get in trouble for posting it on my blog, but it's from: diegomanuel.com where you can buy art. So, I hope that covers it.
But why do I post such a picture? Well, I found it fitting after the work discussion I had with K and T. We were talking about love, relationships, communication, not really sex, but sex always goes hand in hand with love, relationships, communication, doesn't it? We also talked about porn, but I'll get to that later. What I wonder about is this crazy thing called love; I used to believe that love could only be had with your "soulmate" and there is a great myth by Aristotle that went something to the effect of we were split into two, and your life's purpose is to find your other half. Or in pop culture, think Jerry MacGuire's "You complete me" line. But after all I've been through and read, I really don't think anyone is supposed to complete you; you should complete yourself. Otherwise, nothing will work. But I digress.

In college in my social psych class, we watched a video about the different stages of love, where it begins as passion, desire, and lust, turns into compassionate love, then friendship, really, after you get older and you've been with someone for so long: it's really about comfort. Which is nice in a way, but the conversation at work, about finding a relationship, talking to others, etc., I wonder if this is enough. I mean, if and when you get comfortable with someone else, what about the desirability? Do you still desire them? Ache for them? Hmmmnnn.....I wonder.

Which leads me to porn. We also discussed this, and I've had similar discussions in classes, etc., about whether porn is bad. Porn is bad, but a certain kind of porn. The porn which is vile, indecent, violent, demeaning, etc., is never good. And there are studies that show that men specifically who engage in this type of porn become desensitized to violence, esp. violence against women. I've also read articles where these porn women have to have enemas, don't eat, are torn apart (literally), etc. This is also not healthy nor productive nor an example of "freedom" of sexuality, sex, or anything in between.

However, I suppose there is "good" porn. And I understand engaging in things like erotic dancing etc in order to feel sexy, desirable, wanted, etc. I love that feeling, and I admit, I like to feel like I am desired regularly, I need it perhaps; but more than that, what happens when that desire is turned into objectification, and it becomes something bad and sinnister instead of something healthy and fun? This is where I become worried.

In addition, how is my male hetero professor who watches "bad" porn, or even porn in general let's say, going to view me the next day as a student, as a woman, as a human being? Or will he? What about the guy on the street I walk past, or the guy at the bar who sees me downing shots b/c I want to have a good time, not because I"m "asking" for anything? These thoughts are what concerns me.
I don't advocate making porn illegal because once the state is involved in regulating women's bodies, the crap hits the cornuts. But more than that, what about the overabundance of pornography readily available and the belief that it's a "right of passage" for young men? Is it okay to engage in this type of behavior to stimulate your sex drive? To feed it? Why don't women look at porn as much as men? Do women look at a different kind of porn? Do they realize it's mostly detrimental effect on us as women? On society? Why have sexual assaults and rapes continually increased? Why is it that 1 out of 3 women will be assaulted sexually within her lifetime, based on the REPORTED cases? Is it even related to porn?

Hmmmnnn......these are the issues I have. Now let me point out, I was a "wild" woman just out of high school and within my years in college; I loved feeling sexy and being able to "titillate" men with my body. But at some point, I figured out that wasn't empowerment; it was control, and I wasn't in the driver's seat. So how do we, as women, negotiate that? At what point do we take it with a grain of salt, and at what point do we stand up and fight back?

Hmmnnn..........I wish I could say love and sex is simpler, but it's not really. *Sigh*
I hope everyone who is looking for love will someday find it; I know that sounds cheesey, but it's true:)

Harry Marvin "Skip" Boyer: April 3, 1953 - April 13, 2003

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would be 53 today, which is special, in a way, because he was born in 1953. For someone not being real in love with numbers, this fascinates me for some reason. It also fascinates me that he died almost exactly 50 years from the day he was born. But enough about his death. Let's talk about the man that was my father, my best friend, my guide in the world.
This picture is of some historical places in Bucyrus, Ohio, birthplace of one Skip Boyer, otherwise known as my daddy. Bucyrus is a small town, one that was all about its football on Friday nights. My father was the only male of four sisters, and the youngest to boot. So, you can imagine the spoiled childhood he received, which sure enough carried over into his grown up years. He moved to Florida when he was in 7th grade, where, as he stepped out of the car at 10:00p.m. at night turned to his mother and asked "Is this hell?" as the grasshoppers and other leggy creatures chirped and sang in the night. He was going to live with his mother and his Aunt Ruth in Florida. He loved his Aunt Ruth, and always spoke about how she never wanted to owe anyone anything: including her life. When he saved it once she repaid him with 5 dollars.
He walked to the busstop in shorts and a t-shirt in 50 degree weather, and gawked at the silly Floridians who wore scarves and thick jackets on days such as these. He was a football player, a wild guy, a Billy Idol lover, rode a motorcycle when I was young, and took me for rides as a little girl, and made me my own glitter red motorcycle helmet. He built me a swingset as a young girl, and picked me up from the busstop on hot days to ride his motorcycle.

He worked 12 to 14 hour days, and later, when his heart gave out, was the cutest and funniest man alive. But more than that, he was my best friend. He was a meat and potatoes kind of guy, a Pepsi lover, an avid Rolling Stones fan, an Elvis fan, and his mantra became "You Can't Always Get What You Want." A blue collar worker all of his life, he gave up a scholarship to the Coast Guard to stay at home with his mother who had a stroke when he was 16. He took care of her all of his adult life, until it almost killed him to put her in a very poorly run retirement home. He worked and worked so my brother and I could have a good life. He like pineapple upside down cake and Fritos. His favorite movie was Casablanca. He liked to read Louis L'Amour books, mystery novels, and loved John Wayne. I used to buy him books to read and take him out to lunch. I used to do stretches with him, to get the blood pumping in his tired and worn out organs. I called him "handsome" and used to run up to him when he came home when I was a little girl.

These are just some of the memories I have my Dad, my best friend, on the day of his 53rd birthday. He was truly what Dads are supposed to be, and I miss him every day of my life. So, in honor of today, Partner and I will be making a cake, setting a balloon free, and going to dinner at one of his favorite spots. We will watch "Casablanca" and remember the man that literally gave his life to support me, my brother, my mother, and everyone he loved. So, in honor of today, I urge you to break out a Corona, sit on a relaxing seat, and pop in the Stones: Start Me Up and You Can't Always Get What You Want. These were his mantra, and I feel like a part of me is missing. Every day. That's the way it should be.

Slither and some sunshine

Whew. Nathan Fillion just gets the heat pumping, let me tell ya. He was one hot piece of manmeat. But what has led me to drool, and drool and drool and drool over Nathan Fillion? The really hysterically funny and highly gross (and I do mean gross) new film called Slither. Check out the link and read up on this very funny movie. The dialogue is weird, funny, clever, witty, and the film itself is so absurd that it's laugh out loud funny. In fact, I laughed, I screamed, I went "ewwwww." And so did most of the people in the audience. This movie is a horror movie, I suppose, but it's one that is done so silly that you think it's a joke; Partner and I kept giving each other "looks" all throughout the film as if to say "is this for real?" But it is. And it's great. It's kind of in the same vein as "Dawn of the Dead" and even showcases zombiesque characters. Feel good movie for the whole family. Two thumbs way up! Five stars!

So, Nathan Fillion, my dream guy is in Slither, and I must recommend it, not just b/c of the rave reviews, but b/c hot piece of manmeat Nathan appears in the film. Good times, good times.

Also some really good one-liners, which in my book, all of the above makes a very good film. Go see it, get grossed out. It's fab.

In later news, I slept in today, my Sunday ritual, and then rode my bike (yeah!) to the gym, did 20 or so minutes of cardio, lifted weights, and then rode back to the house, for an approximate combined total of 60 minutes of cardio and about 20 minutes of weights. Go me. Go me.
Then it was off to water the newly planted geraniums, butterfly bushes, and some sort of yellow annual in the front yard, and Partner planted impatiens in the backyard. The yard is coming together, slowly but surely. This summer I plan on doing A LOT around the house.
Next, movie time commensed, but afterwards Partner and I got into a little riff about him taking me to pick up my car tomorrow so I can get my March inspection (oops, I'm late). He said no b/c baseball season kicks off tomorrow. I couldn't believe he couldn't take me on a 5 minute ride to get my car for freaking baseball. If you have thoughts on this, or if I was in the wrong, let me know. I'd like to see what others might think.

Anyhoo, I graded papers, ate some chocolate (yum!) and now I'm blogging! whoo hoo. This whole time change thing has really put me out of whack. It's 10:45, but it feels much earlier. It actually is, but the time change thing says it's not. Whatever.

So, if you want to check out Nathan Fillion, here's a good link with many photos to drool over; make sure to have a towel handy, b/c boy does the drool start flyin'. Never mind, no link. I'll just put a picture in. Yum.

Guerrilla Girls, Whiskey and a black out

So, the final days of the Gender and Arts Conference are finally over. It was a wild ride, but we made it. Yesterday I was there from about 8am to about 10 pm. Whew. Dollface Nola, my partner in crime yesterday, put stuff away, hauled things to and fro, and basically worked are little fannies off. But the funnest parts came when I went to her pad for a visit, went to eat Sushi with her b-friend and the girl staying with her for the conference. This girl was eerily perceptive, and when she spoke, sounded like she had been smoking pot FOR DAYS. In addition, she ordered me Sake (without asking) and I swear she was trying to get me drunk. Though I'm A OKAY with the lesbian lifestyle, I just don't happen to swing that way. But I don't blame her for finding me attractive. I mean, hello. Then, it was off to the Guerrilla Girls performance where there was a campus wide BLACKOUT and it was scary wary, and it was like something out of Resident Evil, and I was all ready to fight the evil zombie empire that was ascending on our civilization. But about 30 minutes later, power was restored, and the GG's went on as planned. The performance was okay, I thought it would be a bit more involved for 5 grand, but hey, they made good feminist points. Dollface Nola's b-friend and I had a bit of a debate, but it was healthy. Then, it was off to enjoy wine at Dollface Nola's, and then off to McCool's for a drink of whiskey and coconut rum and diet coke. Needless to say, after the sake and wine, I was making EVERYBODY laugh (probably AT me, not WITH me, but hey, whatever you know?).

Anyhoo, it was a stellar night, and one that should be repeated often. Today was spent gardening. Partner and I spent moolah on flowers for the front yard, mowed, planted, and made things oh so pretty.

I am pretty tired, and had a wicked headache this morning, but a fab time. Now it's time to get back to the real world, grade papers, do research, and begin again. Grrrrr. Aaaarrrggghhh.