Is Harry Right?

The sexual revolution has long been over, but it still remains that men and women are fighting each other, fighting themselves, fighting their friends. But the question that is inevitably born from this revolution of sexual freedom is the question, the question: can men and women be friends? Friends in the utmost respectful sense? I'm not so sure.

Of course, built within this question is the assumption that both said male and female are both heterosexual but it also applies to lesbian women, gay men, straight men friends with lesbian women, vice versa, all of the above. I'm not sure sexuality plays as big a role so much as the underlying tension, perhaps the fundamental difference (if there is such a thing?) between what's inherently male or female. Of course, the terms "male" and "female" denote sex, while "masculine" and "feminine" denote gender. And in our culture, if you are a feminine gender, you are automatically labeled as a female sex. As logic follows, the same goes for men. Any deviation from stated norm finds you in the category of "other" and well, we all know what happens when you're sent to the "other" box. So for the sake of this exploration, this question rests on the accepted societal belief system of sex and gender.

So now that is out of the way, can men and women be friends? I happen to think no, and let me tell you why. First, the term "friends" is quite abstract, b/c there are those who label themselves friends and do nothing to warrant said label; perhaps they lie to each other, don't respect one another, steal from each other, etc. There are those that say they are more than friends but do not mean in an intimate lovey dovey way; that what they have supercedes friendship but is not romantical or attractive in nature; it's not erotic or passionate. But it's still love or some form of it. Because I happen to think friendship is partly love; love in its purest sense, whatever that is; but it's a forging of commonality and a way to keep from being lonely on the journey of life, as cheesey as that sounds.

*more to come; I'm going on a walk with neighbor*

Okay, back. So men and women as friends. Is it possible? In the film "When Harry Met Sally" Harry provides these stipulations:

• that in fact, no, M and W cannot be friends b/c men are always trying to sleep with the woman; that men, in their DNA, do not have the capacity to share a platonic relationship without sex getting in the way
  
• I happen to think this goes for women too. I've been in many a friendships when all I've wanted to do is jump said friend's bones.
• M and W cannot be friends, especially if they themselves are in a relationship with someone else, b/c then the sig other asks, what is my partner not getting that they have to go outside of the relationship to get?
  
• The jealousy factor.
  
• The friends become lovers factor. In my personal experience, all male friends I've ever had (well, all except one) I have been intimately involved with, eventually, whether it be pure sex or something more. But the sex factor or the attraction factor, if you want to call it that, is something to be considered.
  
• Can M and W only be friends with people they find unattractive? Harry seems to think so.
  

Perhaps it just becomes too complicated, b/c either one or both fall for the other, or their sig others become jealous and pressure their partner to end the friendship, and I wonder, if you become so close with someone whom you share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, past, present and future ideas, isn't it inevitable that something develops between two psyches that turns into something physical?

In "You've Got Mail" Meg Ryan goes to ask her psychologist brother about true love. His response? Love is just two psyches recognizing something in each other.

Is that all love is? Where does the line between friendship and love, intimacy, begin to blur? And should, can, M and W be friends? Are we innately diferent and thus inevitably doomed to failure? Is it possible? Can it be done? And if so, why? Does it help us breach any barrier? Aren't the only barriers in place the ones we've ourselves created?

Can you be friends with someone you're sexually attracted to? Doesn't all mental attraction turn physical? Is Harry right? It seems he was, at least in the case of when Harry met Sally.