Sex, Love and Cornuts

This is a picture I found while browsing the web for art pics, and isn't it purty? I hope I don't get in trouble for posting it on my blog, but it's from: diegomanuel.com where you can buy art. So, I hope that covers it.
But why do I post such a picture? Well, I found it fitting after the work discussion I had with K and T. We were talking about love, relationships, communication, not really sex, but sex always goes hand in hand with love, relationships, communication, doesn't it? We also talked about porn, but I'll get to that later. What I wonder about is this crazy thing called love; I used to believe that love could only be had with your "soulmate" and there is a great myth by Aristotle that went something to the effect of we were split into two, and your life's purpose is to find your other half. Or in pop culture, think Jerry MacGuire's "You complete me" line. But after all I've been through and read, I really don't think anyone is supposed to complete you; you should complete yourself. Otherwise, nothing will work. But I digress.

In college in my social psych class, we watched a video about the different stages of love, where it begins as passion, desire, and lust, turns into compassionate love, then friendship, really, after you get older and you've been with someone for so long: it's really about comfort. Which is nice in a way, but the conversation at work, about finding a relationship, talking to others, etc., I wonder if this is enough. I mean, if and when you get comfortable with someone else, what about the desirability? Do you still desire them? Ache for them? Hmmmnnn.....I wonder.

Which leads me to porn. We also discussed this, and I've had similar discussions in classes, etc., about whether porn is bad. Porn is bad, but a certain kind of porn. The porn which is vile, indecent, violent, demeaning, etc., is never good. And there are studies that show that men specifically who engage in this type of porn become desensitized to violence, esp. violence against women. I've also read articles where these porn women have to have enemas, don't eat, are torn apart (literally), etc. This is also not healthy nor productive nor an example of "freedom" of sexuality, sex, or anything in between.

However, I suppose there is "good" porn. And I understand engaging in things like erotic dancing etc in order to feel sexy, desirable, wanted, etc. I love that feeling, and I admit, I like to feel like I am desired regularly, I need it perhaps; but more than that, what happens when that desire is turned into objectification, and it becomes something bad and sinnister instead of something healthy and fun? This is where I become worried.

In addition, how is my male hetero professor who watches "bad" porn, or even porn in general let's say, going to view me the next day as a student, as a woman, as a human being? Or will he? What about the guy on the street I walk past, or the guy at the bar who sees me downing shots b/c I want to have a good time, not because I"m "asking" for anything? These thoughts are what concerns me.
I don't advocate making porn illegal because once the state is involved in regulating women's bodies, the crap hits the cornuts. But more than that, what about the overabundance of pornography readily available and the belief that it's a "right of passage" for young men? Is it okay to engage in this type of behavior to stimulate your sex drive? To feed it? Why don't women look at porn as much as men? Do women look at a different kind of porn? Do they realize it's mostly detrimental effect on us as women? On society? Why have sexual assaults and rapes continually increased? Why is it that 1 out of 3 women will be assaulted sexually within her lifetime, based on the REPORTED cases? Is it even related to porn?

Hmmmnnn......these are the issues I have. Now let me point out, I was a "wild" woman just out of high school and within my years in college; I loved feeling sexy and being able to "titillate" men with my body. But at some point, I figured out that wasn't empowerment; it was control, and I wasn't in the driver's seat. So how do we, as women, negotiate that? At what point do we take it with a grain of salt, and at what point do we stand up and fight back?

Hmmnnn..........I wish I could say love and sex is simpler, but it's not really. *Sigh*
I hope everyone who is looking for love will someday find it; I know that sounds cheesey, but it's true:)